Busses, Bosses and Booze

Just home from the conference with work and I'm shattered.  I'm sure you want to hear me talk about work as much as I want to exfoliate my face with a cheese grater so here are the high/lowlights:

• Coach chattage and giggles
• Getting to know three of my more distant colleagues better
• Planking on top of the retro TV in the hotel.
• Convincing another manager to plank in the bar wearing a onesie
• Rush hour traffic making extending the bus journey 1hr
• Hotel that smells like old people (even if super clean)
• Great Italian food in the hotel restaurant
• Networking with the 'powers that be'
• Free bar
• Sexual advances from a married man
• Married man following me to my bedroom and having to have the door shut in his face.
• Married man knocking at my door 10mins later asking to 'come in for a drink' and being met by the sound of me turning the lock in the door
• Hellish hangover and lack of sleep
• Awful breakfast with sexual harassment married man trying to locate a seat next to me.
• Interesting conference.
• Regret at taking the vegetarian lunch option (plate of carrots and potato...weird!)
• Great bus banter on the coach trip back home.
• Pending facebook 'friend' invite from sexual harassment man

Ola bed!

On The Go

This little chica is on the road tomorrow for a two day conference so it's ola 5hr bus trip (yes bus... my company sees this as team-building as there are approx 50 people travelling) and then hello enforced group dinner and 'please be ok' hotel. 


I am sure there will be a few treats for me to tell you so I shall keep you posted mobile style.


In the mean time, here is a song that has been stuck in my head all day!

Sat on the floor wondering how I got here...

It doesn't matter how hard you try to move on when you have loved someone so deeply the word love itself seemed too little, that person will always have the ability peel back a wound as if it is as fresh as the day they broke your heart no matter how much time has passed.

I had to email Mr X a month or so ago for reasons unrelated to our relationship.  Our exchange was polite yet brief and in some ways was exactly what I needed.  Two days ago I needed to email him again and as a consequence he asked that I unblock him from chatting on my phone so he could fix the problem.  I did, and things went well.  We didn't speak about anything other than the matter at hand but it was pleasant and informal.  Once everything was discussed I wished him well and said goodbye.  He responded by thanking me for UNblocking him.  I know now I should have just left it there but as things usually go when you don't pre-plan I ended up replying to say I had blocked him as we weren't talking and so I wouldn't msg him either as his actions had been pretty clear in letting me know he didn't want to stay in touch any more.  I then left saying pleasant goodbye again.

Unfortunately rather than ending things there this then went on to prompt him to send me a rather long message saying why he had been upset and feeling that way.  It wasn't in an accusatory or argumentative tone, but it wouldn't have been hard not to read with an element of finger pointing.    Again, I shouldn't have, but I replied.  I wasn't argumentative and I left it saying I didn't see the value in the conversation and we should just leave things as water under the bridge as I was sure neither of us wanted to complicate things by arguing.

I hadn't realised straight away but I found myself sat down with tears streaming down my face.  Silent non-blubbering tears, hot and heavy and pouring down my face.  One message and I had somehow been transported back 5months.  

He messaged back shortly after saying that he was saddened by the whole thing but agreed it was all in the past (smiley face).  I decided best to acknowledge his text and so composed myself and sent a short reply to say I was pleased we agreed and to wish him the best again.   

He replied.  He asked how I am doing.  The hot salty tears began to roll down my face again.  I logged out.

I think I will always be in love with Mr X, whether I will meet someone else who will capture my heart in a different but equally strong way I still don't know, but Mr X will always hold a piece of my heart.

I don't wish him anything but a happy and full life, but I can't have him dipping in and out of mine.  He pushed me away, messed me around and hurt me in a way I didn't  even know was possible when he just disappeared.  The end of our relationship first as partners and then as friends caused me enough heartache for ten lifetimes.  I don't want to put myself in a position where he could let me down and break pieces of me again.  

I've no idea if or how to reply.  I would like to leave things with an ending and ignoring a text isn't that but I don't want to get into things or end up hurt again.

<3 ...

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Nikki - How to Break a Heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-otV0FD8Ck

Insomnia II

My brain, my poor brain.

I'm drinking myself to sleep again, nightnurse pills to keep me sane

Drinking myself to sleep again, insomnia.

At this rate I'm going to be looking like a zombie come this work conference on Monday/Tuesday.

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Feeder - Insomnia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6XsYyP1QXw

Insomnia

I feel like I'm beginning to look like Christian Bale in the machinist (minus the super skinny body).  I haven't had a decent nights sleep in about a month, I come home from work late in the evening, try to chill out, go to bed and then just lay there... wide awake!

I bought an eye mask online to assist with the blackout factor and I don't really get noise from the road or other apartments in my block in my bedroom so why oh why can't I sleep.

I've tried: relaxing music, reading, complete sound and light deprivation, early mornings, timetabled bed times, hot baths, TV avoidance and, clean sheets, heavy blankets, light blankets, pyjamas, nudity, turning the heating up, turning the heating down, opening a window, deep breathing, turning my mattress, milky drinks (yuck), avoiding caffeine, food deprivation, counting sheep, exercise and even getting drunk (which actually got me to sleep no problem but didn't help as I woke up feeling like death).

Shattered.com

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Of Mice And Men - When You Can't Sleep At Night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtGl5vvYgVI

Monkey

Today is one of those days when you realise there are about 6 monkeys trying to ride on your back.  You know the people I'm talking about... moderately incompetent, lacking any kind of self-organisation and wanting you to wipe their backside for them.

Well no.  I'm not doing it.

I have always been a sucker for a lost cause but in keeping with my New Years resolution (which I'm doing pretty well with btw), today when three of them tried to jump on board, I sent them packing.

This year is about putting that kind of effort into myself, not helping some other lazy sod to get on top.  I'm saving my energy for purely selfish reasons and the rest can suck it!

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Stephen Fretwell - Run

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCt_w1uThTA

Suggestion 2: Fetish

I'm not going to lie, when one of you gave me this suggestion as a topic to blog on I had a chuckle to myself as some of the fetishes in this world are mind blowing.  I am sure everyone has their own opinion on fetishes and to a certain extent a lot are frowned on, my take is that I'm pro-fetish.  If someone has something that helps them get their mojo on and it doesn't harm anyone or anything else in the process... why not!  

With that said, I pretty much have none of my own.  Like most women out there lingerie makes me feel sexy and I've dabbled in a few things, but I have to say that all in all, to use 'down with the kids ghetto speak' I'm 'vanilla'.  The only two slightly quirky admissions I have are an attraction to the smell of deep heat (no idea why) and kissing someone who has Listerine breath lol.  

Keeping on the theme of all things fetish... Lets have a look at a few which either confuse, or amuse me.

Looners

People who are sexually aroused by balloons.  Yes, these airheads like nothing more than to blow up, roll about on, surround themselves with and sometimes even climb into a balloon.  I can't say any of this activity would turn me on, but for some reason the whole thing amuses me as every time I think of it I picture some super sophisticated stepford wife trying to control her carnal nature while getting the decorations ready for some kind of event.  

Fetish Rating 6/10

Technosexuality

R2D2 and C3PO wouldn't be safe around this group of people who are attracted to robots or people dressed as robots.  Apparently this one is big in Japan (which I'm sure is the capital of fetishism) and the robots can be humanoid or non-humanoid... Does this mean someone, somewhere gets their rocks off looking at a toaster?  The only picture I want to put up here is the one of Howard from the Big Bang Theory when he gets his junk stuck in the hands of a robot hand lol.

Fetish Rating 4/10

Furry Fandom

Dressing up as an animal character and giving that character a human personality.  I stumbled upon this one while watching a TV documentary a few years ago and the clip they chose to show made me laugh so hard wine came out my nose.  As the presenter was taking, in the background there were a heap of people dressed up, talking, playing and some even acting out odd sexual encounters as their animal alias and then it happened.  One genius had an outfit of a fox driving a car and he was just running at the other characters who were having to feign being hit by car and lay on the floor until this other person dressed as a duck with a nurses hat, came to fix them.  It was utter genius.  I like to think that if I ever decided to join the furry fandom, I would have the foresight to give my character a car :)

Fetish Rating 8/10

Objectophilia

This crazy fetish which I struggle to understand is the attraction, sexual feeling and commitment to a particular object (anything from a sofa to a building).  In 1979 a German woman called Erika Effle made headlines by marrying the Berlin Wall, an object she had been obsessed with since a visit to the site age 11, claiming the surname Berliner-Mauer (which means Berlin Wall in German).

Fetish Rating 10/10

Sploshing

This can be sexual or non-sexual and always involves food.  From writhing around in custard to decorating a cake, these fetishists love food and everything about it.  Something I stumbled upon while reading the secret diary of a London call girl.  There is something fun sounding about splodging, at least at an introductory level... its practically an excuse for an adult food fight and for the more infantile among us, there is definitely something appealing about that. 

Fetish Rating 6/10

Pedal Pumping
This one does what it says on the tin and from what I know is predominately a male fetish of watching a female push a pedal...  Think accelerator on a car.  This fetish is also easily adapted to suit any footwear that may take the observers fancy from toe crunching heels to barefoot.
Fetish Rating 2/10

I imagine there is a fetish for everything/anything in this world and despite being a self proclaimed 'vanilla' I think as long as a fetish something that isn't going to hurt anyone or anything (suffocating animals up your bum is just cruel), they are brilliant and just add another layer of colour to the world.

If you have anything you care to admit... post your fetish loves/hates below anonymously :)

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An appropriate choice for today

The Kills - URA Fever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3fZP7QC4PE

Fuuuuuuck

I totally screwed up an assessment for a job today.  I know it isn't the end of the world but ironically I usually ace the things and because this one mattered (one of the middle cogs in a huuuuuge wheel in order to get a job of this type)... I screwed it up by taking too long and having the assessment time out.  Hello auto fail territory.

Rage!

Straightening Priorities

I know I was meant to blog about one of the previously mentioned topics today but I'm feeling less structured.

The group of girls I told you about that I met on gumtree and I have been emailing this last week and cocktails are on the cards this Saturday which sounds great.  There is also talk of an A-Z activity list to give us a challenge and some ideas of fun things to do moving forward.  A will be covered off this Saturday.  A is for Alcohol.  C is already taken with the planning of attendance at a Ceilidh.  I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where X and Z will take us lol.

As for the usual suspects... Red has a new contract so is swamped at the moment.  We are hoping to get a meet organised in the next few weeks.  Gstar is working away but I think a cinema trip is on the cards sometime soon.  Herb and Barron are due to visit in a couple of weeks along with Balloo for my birthday and a gig.  Six has been in Santa Cruz for the last 2 months but is back sometime next month.  Hooch and Waves are having a few domestics (what's new), so I have been keeping my distance.  As for the others that haven't made it as far as getting a nickname on here yet... All is well and everyone is laying low after the holidays.

Love life wise things are definitely on the back burner and I don't think I'm going to look to take them off there any time soon.  Nope, 2012 is going to be about copious amounts of fun for me... well that and a face peel and botox lol

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See if you can work out who this lead singer sounds like... quality tune.

American Bang - Wild and Young

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BZlgCIhyXU

Wiki-disaster

I'm not too up on the whole SOPA-PIPA thing, but one thing I can say for certain is that under no circumstances do I want to imagine a world without wikipedia.

Sort it out!

Tweet or facebook your annoyance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

Suggestion1: Top 10 M/F

Afternoon bloggers.  I thought over the next 4 days I would cover off the suggestions left by a few of you. I'm leaving out a couple but here is a list of your next 3 days worth of reading:

• Best/worst sex
• Fettishes
• Valentines day

And to kick us off today, we are starting with Top 10 Men/Women (although I am sure we have covered something similar in the past).  This could be interesting as I think looking at the type of person someone is attracted to gives a lot away about their personality.  I have to say though, I am interested to know who your Top 10 are so if the notion takes you... post them in the comments box.

Lets start with the men... 

1. Channing Tatum (Hot, Tall, Athletic, Kissable lips)
2. Ryan Reynolds (Hot, Tall, Athletic, Funny)
3. Jesse Eisenberg (Gorgeous lips, Sexy voice, Intelligent)
4. Ian Somerholder (Tall, Dark, Smouldering eyes, Mischievous smile)
5. Jack Whitehall (Tall, Funky hair, Preppy, Funny)
6. Taylor Lautner (Tall, Athletic, Perfect teeth, Perfect smile)
7. Ashton Kutcher (Tall, Funky, Intelligent)
8. Chad Michael Murray (Tall, Athletic, Preppy)
9. Jared Leto (Funky hair, Intense eyes, Amazing voice)
10. Matt Damon (Perfect teeth, Intelligent, Charismatic)

And here are the girlies (it pays to be bi when doing this one :p)

1. Katherine Moening (Awesome hair, Eyeliner eyes, Androgynous)
2. Kate Hudson (Quirky, Perfect teeth, Funny)
3. Ellen Page (Cute, Intelligent, Great smile)
4. Drew Barrymore (Individual, Quirky, Funky)
5. Sophia Bush (Perfect Teeth, Sexy voice, Awesome figure)
6. Christina Ricci (Sexual, Intense eyes, Individual)
7. Sandra Bullock (Great Smile, Clumsy, Great breasts)
8. Ariana ? from Sorority Girls UK (Perfect teeth, Sexy, Gorgeous figure)
9. Christina Scabbia (Awesome hair, Eyeliner eyes, Great breasts)
10. Sara Rue (Funky, Beautiful smile, Curvacious)

I look forward to seeing what you guys think and who you are attracted to.  Talk about an innocent kick off point for sex and fettishes later in the week lol

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Donna Summers - I Love You Always Forever
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqdWTeXWvOg&ob=av2e

Just A Song

Sometimes... Its all you need to trigger a 1001 memories you forgot you had.

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Ocean Colour Scene - The Day We Caught The Train

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsuC7kTLVU4

Can't Talk Now

It appears my easy to organise full-on weekend plans will all fall by the way side as my cold has officially peaked and I have no voice.  And no, I'm not laying it on thick saying I have no voice when I really have a croaky quieter version (that has come and gone).  I woke up this morning and there is literally no coherent sound coming out of my voice, only a series of bizzare and stinted noises.

I'm still hopeful that things will get better overnight and if I don't use my voice at all today, so I've only cancelled tonight's plans so far and am hoping I will be able to make tomorrow.

The saving grace is that I am on one of my scheduled days off today so I can live it up on the couch, wearing a heap of layers, under a blanket, watching movies.  I might even go one step further and order takeout for dinner so I don't have to cook.

Think I'lll do a topical blog either later this evening or tomorrow so let me know which subjects you fancy deliberating and I will run with one of them.

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Copeland - The Day I Lost My Voice (suitcase song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlPQF0ATGi8

*sniff *cough *splutter

Uuuuuurggghhhhhh I feel dreadful.

You know when you wake up in the morning and you have those few seconds where you kind of wiggle and check your body is in full working order before you start to think about your day?  Well I woke up this morning and within that brief moment in time the words 'ahhhh crap' flew through my mind.

I thought I had hit the hump with my cold a few days ago, but as I work in a really populated place with air-con, needless to say I must have picked up some new germy germs earlier in the week that have since somehow mixed and left my body in a murky mess.

I can't think of anything I would rather do today than eat some hot stodgy food and hide out on my couch, unfortunately I have work.  In normal circumstances I would probably start rescheduling my diary for the rest of the week, giving myself some low-key time to recoup, a spot of admin, report updating, clearing off emails etc.  Alas, the next two days are full of back to back meetings.  

It is APR week for my team and as I prefer to work full-throttle when it comes to appraisals/reviews rather than spread them out over the course of the month, the admin assistant has booked me one after another, after another for the next two days with a mere 30min break each day to take a breath.  Normally I would be pleased, one week and a whole heap of actions completed; this time, not so much.

I want layers, lots and lots of clothing layers, fingerless gloves, a hat, a scarf (definitely a scarf), a blanket, an unlimited supply of hot drinks, home made carb loaded food and a selection of movies to fall asleep to.  I definitely don't want hour after hour of meetings, stats analysis, difficult conversations and expectation setting.  

Oh well, in the words of the Rolling Stones... 'You can't always get what you want'

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Rizzle Kicks - Mamma Do The Hump

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxEINSBsbeo