Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Friday, 1 July 2011

Someone Like You

'Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead'




Spoke to Mr X for a couple of hours on skype today.  He is looking well and bought a new jeep/car yesterday that is nothing short of a beast.  He's going to pay 1/2 for me to fly over in November and then take me to do some fun stuff like dune bashing and camel riding.  It was so nice to talk, we make each other laugh and giggle in such a relaxed way I always feel 100% better after we speak.

I am so glad we managed to stay in each others lives.

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Adele - Someone Like You

Thursday, 23 June 2011

I Walk Away But He Lingers...

As I'm now in a flat where I can please myself and don't have to clean up after anyone else I decided to hold a few dinner parties over the next month or so.  Simple enough you would think... No.  Its really hard when you can only have six people over at a time and have a really eclectic group of friends and a mis-match of personalities could result in an evening of disaster.

As the first will pretty much be a trial run I've invited Pooch and Waves along with three others including Wonka, thinking it may be the perfect opportunity to put this whole jealous girlfriend nonsense to bed once and for all.  I'll let you know how I get on.

Anyway, dinner party take one is this Saturday and in true last minute planning Ser3ndipity form, I decided what to make and placed my online shop this morning to arrive tomorrow.  I've not cooked for the majority of the people I've invited before so I decided to play it safe and go with Italian.  Plenty of food, plenty of booze and a few dinner party games will keep us entertained I'm sure.

Everything else...
I know I shouldn't but I really miss Mr X, I feel like despite everything I've lost my best friend.  The one person who has seen all sides of me and yes I know things were mega crap for a long while, but he has never ever judged me and while we are trying to stay in touch its not the same when we can't just nip next door, collapse each others couch for 10mins and talk about what a crappy day/week we have had.  I miss my friend.
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The Weepies - Same Changes

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Forgot to Remember

I'm going to use today's blog to tick off the things that I forgot to remember to update you on including completing some of the suggested blogs in the You Decide post last month.  One suggestion was go to over my firsts and so Anonymous, thanks for your suggestion and here you go...

First Kiss
I know I was pretty old in relation to everyone else when I had my first kiss, as even back then I sought the magical.  I was however nothing but disappointed.  I wanted to wait for the perfect guy in the perfect moment for my first kiss (for some reason my first kiss always meant more to me than having sex for the first time), in reality none of this happened. 

I was 14 when I had my first kiss.  The guy was cute, pretty quiet, athletic and was never off his bike and yes, in true small town/group of young friends fashion had previously dated two of my friends (before I met them a few years before - I had moved 400miles with my parents).  One night after hanging out down the beach he cycled along as I walked to stay at one of my friends houses.  I was talking to the two girls and said I was nervous  as we hadn't yet kissed and was met with giggles from one who said he was a terrible kisser and an awkward smile from the other as she had the hots for him.

Right then and there I decided I would dump him as a terrible kisser wasn't what I wanted for my first magical moment with a boy.  However before I knew what was happening my friends had run into the house, he had parked his bike against a wall and I was about to embark on my first kiss. It was terrible!  Imagine a washing machine with a snake caught inside trying to get out. It was slurpy, fast, invasive and very, very repetitive.  I dumped him a few days later.

I imagine he must be much better at kissing these days has he is now a professional mountain biker and while in a serious relationship has never been short of offers for a repeat performance.

First Job
I always tried to make money growing up from making and selling friendship bracelets to cleaning cars and I guess the skills I learnt here stood me in good stead in my first hourly rate job as a window sales person.

At age 14 while most people went to work in the local supermarket or in hotels/restaurants I got a job in the industrial estate cold calling houses from the telephone book to sell them double glazing and if that failed anything else that could be made from PVC.

I was the youngest person in the small office of about 12 people, the oldest being 22ish before you got to management (all in their 40s).  I earned something like £2.50 an hour which was more than any of my friends and made commission on any sales (I don't think I ever made commission).  I had a target to get 10 leads a night and worked for 3 hours a night 4 nights a week. It was surreal and my vocabulary widened ten fold in the first few days.  I think if the people at the other end of the phone had any idea how old I was they would have been appalled and ashamed at some of the responses I received. 

The worst part of the job was one of the managers called Phil (nope I'm not going to hide his name) he was creepy and a tad flirty and everyone saw him as a bit of a joke, he never did anything untoward though.  The best part at that age was calling a number where someone had a comedy answer machine at which point you would mark it in the phone book and it would be rung 2/3 times a week for light relief in the office.

Right that's your lot for today.  I may do two more firsts tomorrow.

PS:  I said I'd keep you up to date with any chat from the guy at the training I met that looked like Dave Grohl and I forgot until now.  He confirmed me as a friend and has a gf.  He is still a cool cookie.

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I hate this guy but this song is appropriate
Mika - Teenage Dreams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEhutIEUq8k

Monday, 6 June 2011

Stolen Truth

Read this blog while listening to the music link at the bottom 

I believe in magic.
I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians.

We grew up living in a web of magic, connected by the silver filaments of chance and circumstance, almost everyone else didn't realise, but I knew it all along.

You see, we all start out knowing magic, we were born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us.  We were born able to sing to birds and read clouds, and see our destiny in grains of sand.

As time goes on and we age, we get the magic educated right out of our souls, we get it taught out, spanked out, washed out, and toned out. We get put on a straight and narrow, and told to be responsible, told to act our age.

And why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’ve allowed to wither in themselves. After you go so far away from it, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it, just seconds, of knowing and remembering.

When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater, that golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again, and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heart-sad, and not knowing why.

When a song stirs a memory, when nodes of dust turning in a ray of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on the track at night and you wonder where it might be going; you step beyond who you are and where you are and for the briefest of instance, you have stepped into the magic realm.  
This is what I believe.

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Switchfood - Dare You To Move

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Waiting for a Fairytale

Despite my best efforts I have spent most of this morning feeling a little lost. 

I can't get the thought out of my head that I'm 29 now and am no closer to spending the rest of my life with someone than I was on my 10th birthday.

Maybe I'm too demanding, I mean I got Flowers a few days ago from a guy who has been pretty open In letting me know that he thiNks he coulD see himself spending forever with me and he isn't the first.  There have been at least two other guys before hiM over the yEars that if I had wanted to, I'm sure I could still be with to this day. 

Am I doing it all wrong? I know you need to be attracted to someone too and as I dated all three then its obvious that at some point I was, but I mean is someone caring about you and wanting to be there for you supposed to be enough?  If it is I just don't seem to get it.

I think movies may have ruined me.  I'm not unrealistic I know when you are with someone you need to work through the bad times and enjoy the good but why can't I have that perfect romance?  Clutz and Mr X lit me up inside and I was completely consumed by my feelings for them and yet where are they today?  Clutz is married to someone else and had a baby boy not 6months ago and Mr X is at the other side of the world.

I feel like for as long as I can remember I've had to deal with the things this world has thrown at me alone.  Why is it so difficult for me to find someone who I want to be with who feels the same about me?

I know you are out there somewhere, my perfect match, how long will you keep me waiting?

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Rihanna - California King Bed

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Chasing Balloons

I don't get people who know what they want and don't do anything about it, especially the ones that are all talk and no action.

You know the people I'm talking about, bolshy, auditory, tell you what they would/could do but never actually get round to showing you that they are capable.  The guy or the girl who tells you about this really awesome thing they saw in a shop that they were going to get for you as you would love, love, LOVE it, and yet somehow turns up empty handed.  The person who bIgs up your birthday and how awesome they are going to make it and then fail to even show up.  The guy who says you take his breath away and then just turns and walks away.  Don't get me wrong, all the examples I have just giVen are somewhat materialistic and that isn't what I meant to do, but saying 'the dude who says he could run the office and yet doesn't apply for the job' somEhow isn't personal enough.

I'm an impulse girl, if I see something I want I don't over think it, I ether go for it or I don't, all this 'will I, won't I' stuff is just irritating.  Of course big decisions like moving house, changing career, deciding whether to have a baby or not falls INto a different and more complex category but the rest... it's child's play.
If you like a girl/guy, ask him/her out.  If it's valentines day and you like someone, send THEm a card.  If you hate your hair, cut it.  If you hate your job, look for a new one.  If you need a break, go away somewhere.  Alright, we might not all be able to jet off but life is what you make it and money or lack thereof is irrelevant.

I reMember hitting a slump with Mr X and so I tOok the £89 I had in my bank account and managed to pay for everything required for a 4 day trip away (inc petrol).  We juMped in the car and drove 2hrs to a sea-side town not that far away off-peak season, in a somEwhat broken down, faulty heating, but clean caravan, ate nothing but an on-toast selection, and as the highlight, headed to a craft shop where we splashed out £5 each to paiNt a cup and then 'dined out' on a bag of chips as we walked along the beach in the pouring rain.  It was exacTly what we needed. 

Similarly when in University I spent £15 and transformed the disabled bathroom in the halls into barbedos with the help of some B&Q sand, a little Bob Dylan on the CD player, some blown up (thankyou NHS) hospital gloves creatively made into octopus hanging from the shower curtain, a paddling pool filled with water from Argos and two carved out coconuts filled with the cheapest and most deadly alcohol the local supermarket had to offer.  It was my first 'holiday' with Clutz and still the most memorable, we had a great time.

Get off your asses people, stop complaining, stop thinking about what you don't have, what could have been or what might happen and start chasing balloons on impulse and jumping in puddles... Life is way too short!


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Foo Fighters - Everlong

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Goodbye

I said goodbye to Mr X for the last time today, it was really emotional and I will miss him heaps.

I am always going to be there for him and he will always be here for me.  We fought a long hard battle to get to where we are and neither of us is going to let that go.


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Lifehouse - Broken
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6cdPeYJh0s

Saturday, 23 April 2011

Sparkle

I remember when the biggest battle of my week would be trying to convince My parents to let me play outside 'just 10mins longer', when I trusted everyone and when I thought it didn't matter how many times you fell down, someone would always be there to help you get back up.  I remember when I thought 29 was old.

The problem with growing up is that for some of us, sometimes, we get a glimpse of the magic we used to see when we were little.  In a movie, in a song, in a photo And sometimes in a moment that takes your breath away.  And there lies the the never ending quandary.  Once you know it is there, just out of reach, but there all the same there, nothing else is good enough.

I love those little bits of magic, those moments where you see everything in a new light and feel like you could take on the whole world and win.  I live for the moments where I'm lucky enouGh to have my tummy flip upside down and it doesn't matter what I do I can't get enough air. 

I live for the moments in life that are few and far between, can't be found can only be stumbled upon, make your entire world spin and make everything else fade into the background.  I miss those moments.  I feel like I haven't seen the magic for a while now, but I will wait because I know when I least expect it a firework will appear.

So until then, until I see the glimmer of a sparkle I will do what I have to, I will be the best I Can be and I will embrace the mistakes.

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James Morrison - Once When I Was Little

Friday, 15 April 2011

3months in 13 points

So a heap has happened since we spoke last and yet not a lot (if that makes sense).  No point in going into great detail so I'll hit you with 13 bullet points that will probably get you up to speed and then from here on in my lil bloggers its just you. Me. Life and one hell of a diary entry.
  • Jumped back into the dating scene with both feet.
  • Dated a guy I knew from waaaay back when (OOJ) for a tiny while.
  • OOJ dropped the L-Bomb and I went running in the other direction as fast as my legs would take me.
  • Threw myself into my extra union role at work, jetted around the country to meetings and am now the 'go to girl' for any key changes for sign off.  Currently working on new company KPI sign off, DVR packages and the pay negotiation for the Company at 6 management levels in the UK.
  • Went crazy mental at the thought of turning 30 and spent an entire week without leaving my bedroom.
  • Decided to embrace my youth - signed up for an abseil (last time I did one I froze and got stuck), its in 9 days and I'm terrified.
  • Finally reached fully fledged friendship territory with Mr X
  • Made £800 selling things on ebay to fund a botox venture - watch this space
  • Changed my hairstyle... yes yet again.
  • Procrastinated Uni work to death to the point I'm now who knows where in the 'miles behind'.
  • Decided it was about time I passed my driving test so paid for an intensive course and sit my theory this coming Monday.
  • I keep thinking more and more frequently about sex with women.
And the 13th bullet point...
  • I found a lump in the side of my breast last week
-------------------------------------'The best part of confession is, you don't have to see the other persons face; and you don't have to see how hurt they are when they realise that you can't be that thing that they want you to be'.

Counting Crows - Colourblind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyzrmu4vPDM&feature=fvst
Twitter Bird Gadget