Everything and Nothing

If you or I (for those of you who are single) were to make a list of all the things you are looking for in a relationship I'm sure the lists would be somewhat similar and yet why, when someone offers to give you 90% of the things on that list is it somehow all of a sudden not enough?

OOJ has asked me to move in with him, he has said he will live anywhere, in any flat I choose.  I don't need to pay rent, he will give me a credit card and I can just please myself.  If I don't want to work, I don't need to.  If I do want to work he will support me in finding the perfect job.  If I want a holiday, we can go on one etc.  The list goes on to include so many things including popping out sprogs and marriage (if I want it).  It's intense and I'm sure there are girls who would jump at such an offer but I somehow no matter how I look at it can't convince myself that its how I want my life to go.

On paper who wouldn't want to be completely supported to the point that even though I would always work and would never expect a man to financially support me, the expection for me to be nothing other than happy would be well nothing short of awesome.  Its crazy intense to think I have someone offering this up to me on a plate!

I'm completely torn, its like, I'm sure this guy could be good for me and I know that in no way shape or form would he ever cheat, hurt, or lie to me and he is someone who would go out of his way to make sure I was ok and to support me.  I obviously find him attractive as we went on a few dates and sexually (not that we slept together), we seem to be really compatible, but no bloggers, he does not set my world on fire.  

I know the obvious answer is to say, no, 90% of what you are looking for isn't enough, I've said it long enough!  So many of my friends seem to have settled for Joe average and a little bit of them over time seemed to go out inside, that  sparkle that used to make them light up a room, it somehow now seems to have gone.  At the same time, this would be 'settling' on a whole other scale, it would be settling to a lifestyle, not a two bed house and a heafty mortgage.  It would be settling for a guy that does light me up inside, but just doesn't set off fireworks in my stomach. 

You see, I know he isn't the guy I'm meant to be with, but those 1001 voices I've heard over the years of 'you are too fussy', 'you're going to be single forever', 'you live in a dream world where everything is a fairytale' seem to resignate in my mind this time.  Am I too fussy?  I mean, am I looking for something that simply doesn't exist?   

The only person that would tell me to have it all or stay single is Herb, and if I'm honest, I think to a certain extent she has settled in the way that I would do if I decided to give it a go with OOJ.  Barron is one of the most awesome people I know (of course it was me that introduced them) and I think they are perfect for each other, and he is handsome, but no bloggers, his looks did not set her on fire either when they first got together.  It was everything else that wrapped her up in a bubble and made her realise that they could spend the rest of their lives together laughing and smiling and sharing moments.

No, I don't think I can do it.  Dinner for one.