Common Sense

Total venting blog today.

Common sense.  Something my manager at work seems to be lacking.  Here are the facts:

• Yesterday I was forced to have an absence from work as my shoulder kept popping out and despite having no team, admin or additional duties that I hadn't already cleared for the month my manager refused to let me process TOIL or AL.
• Last night I got less than 3hrs sleep as I was in so much pain.
• My shoulder currently dislocates at least once a day and in doing so  trapped a nerve in my neck  a couple of days ago taking the pain scale from a 6 to a 9.
• My doctors appointment and what I assume will then be a referral to the hospital is late this afternoon.  Something I knew yesterday and advised my manager of.
• An absence from my workplace counts as one instance (regardless of duration) and should you return to work only to discover it was too soon and in turn decide to take additional time, this is classed as a second instance and triggers an absence hearing that can result in the removal of your annual bonus.

Why is it then readers that my manager was so utterly shocked into silence when I called this morning (you need to call every day you are absent) to advise I wouldn't be into work for my shift today.  


I mean, do I look stupid?!! If I'm not going to be able to utilise annual leave or time off in lieu to allow me to go to appointments OR for days when I've only had 1hr sleep due to my shoulder hanging 3 inches below where it should be (providing my work diary is clear), then why the fuck would I go back to work after having an absence opened until everything is 100% again?!!  

I kid you not it was as if I had told her I was planning on going to the moon.  As you can tell.  I'm the whole situation has irked me somewhat.

Anyway, the plan is to head to the appointment in a couple of hours (Wonka is driving me), hopefully be referred to the hospital, have my shoulder fighting fit and then head back into work for my next day on shift this Sunday.  Should this not go to plan however, plan B is to head to the supermarket after the doctors, pick up wine and munch, nip into boots for some face masks/pampering goods and then shoot over to a new Westend salon offering automated booth spray tans to get my first ever spray tan before a night of movies, girlie chat and xbox.

The fact that I may be walking into work on Sunday with a golden brown tan having been forced into taking two days absence Isn't lost on me either.  

A Game Of Truths

I'm currently on day three of telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and here is where it has got me:

• Friends: Wonka was having a difficult time last night with her breakup again despite weeks of being on form, and as I've seen a lot of her recently I couldn't handle being her shoulder.  Where I would have made an excuse normally to save her feelings I simply responded honestly.  I felt an arse.
• The Result:  Today she said 'thanks for being a really good friend'.

• Work: My shoulder has been popping in and out and has somehow managed to trap a nerve in my neck making the last 72hrs agony.  I took AL last night last min and cleared it with my colleagues (it wasn't a problem as my team are in training all week so don't need a poc, and all my admin is up to date), tonight however as my boss is back I text her to say I was looking to do the same.  Now normally I may have left out the details, but remember I said I wouldn't omit anything.  
• The result:  My boss has said I can't take TOIL or AL for something like this and it would need to be processed as absence (makes no sense to me at all as it has no impact on anyone).  So I'm left with the decision of whether to go in and suffer immense pain or to be sick.  I'm seriously angry at either prospect as it makes no sense to me at all.  Furious!

So as you can see, so far the results have been a little unusual.  The thing I thought would cause the most pain/hassle actually turned out ok and the the thing I thought would make no difference has left me seething and set to call a meeting with my boss next time she is in the office to explain her rationale.

I am really in turmoil about what I should do though, I mean I can walk, talk etc just fine and in fact if I could roll to work as I am just now in PJs wearing no makeup with crappy hair then I am sure I could function just fine, but getting dressed, being able to put up my hair and well, everything required before leaving the house is just... well impossible.  Urgh!

I think despite being perfectly capable in some ways the bad most definitely is outweighing the good and I'm going to have to be processed as sick.  I am not a happy bunny!

Losing Faith

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg once said 'The most dangerous untruths are truths moderately distorted'.

In the last few months I've had my faith in kindness and honesty well and truly tested.  I've had friends who have shared a secret you asked them to keep, colleagues who have stolen ideas, men who have lied about who they are and others have been willing to cheat on their girlfriends, the people they are meant to care about, look after and protect if I l gave them the all clear.

What is it that makes us all so incapable of demonstrating the ideals we look for in others?  

I'm sure none of us wake up in the morning thinking 'today I'm going to be a shit to someone I'm meant to care about' and yet still, day after day, week after week, hour after hour you find yourself surrounded by people who do nothing but crush your faith in humanity.

I'm not innocent of the crime of lying, in fact, if you were to show me a man/woman who had never told a lie, I would show you a liar; but why is it that of late it seems that everyone around me seems to be living in a world of dis-truth.  Have we all forgotten how to tell the truth, or is admitting it just too difficult?

I think its time for an experiment.  For the next week I am not going to do or say anything that isn't 100% accurate.  No white lies, no omissions, no deflecting and no avoidance.  If someone asks me a question, I am going to give them an answer and shoot it to them straight.  Surely it can't be that difficult to tackle everything head on?

PS: The dinner party went well last night, the drinks flowed, the food was appreciated, the conversation was on top form and I laughed more than I have for a long time.  Definately a win.

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Eminem Ft. Rhianna - Love The Way You Lie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U

Come Dine With Me

So I'm all set for tonight.  The living/dining room has been rearranged, the champagne (*ahem cava) and wine is chilling and I have finally decided what I am going to cook.  I'm looking forward to it now.

On the flip side of things I've had this feeling of dread since getting up, its definitely not dinner party related, but I can't quite put my finger on it all the same.  Its that gnarly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when your mouth dries up and you feel the need to side quietly in the corner and take deep breaths.

I wish I knew why it was there or how to make it go away.  There is something sinister about a bad feeling that appears from nowhere for no particular reason, it puts you on edge and I'm sure the feeling alone is enough to modify my actions into causing a day of doom.

Right well I am going to keep it short and sweet today as I have a heap to do, however I shall leave you with a wicked tune to start your weekend and a sneaky peek at my menu :)

CANAPES

Champagne cocktails

Selection of cured meats & Olives

APPETISER

Bruschetta topped with white bean puree and fresh pesto salsa.

MAIN

Chargrilled chicken and Portobello Mushrooms

On a bed of creamy risotto

 With Baby Spinach

DESSERT

A duo of desserts

Chocolate Pot & Lemon Trio

With a shot of chocolate orange liqueur

CHEESE BOARD

A selection of cheese and crackers

 With fresh fruit

(Wensleydale & Cranberry, Edam, Cheddar and Brie)

COFFEE

Fresh ground coffee served with home-made chocolate mint truffles

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Santana Ft. Rob Thomas - Smooth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXp413NynFk

Sister to Sister

I hung out with Wonka today while cleaning my flat and getting bits and pieces ready for the dinner party tomorrow.  


It was just what I needed.  Lots of random chat about nothing and a productive day to boot.


To top it off Wonka forgot her security pass for work when she left so turned up an hour later to pick it up with 6 new champagne flutes and a large bunch of flowers for me.


Who needs a man!

I Walk Away But He Lingers...

As I'm now in a flat where I can please myself and don't have to clean up after anyone else I decided to hold a few dinner parties over the next month or so.  Simple enough you would think... No.  Its really hard when you can only have six people over at a time and have a really eclectic group of friends and a mis-match of personalities could result in an evening of disaster.

As the first will pretty much be a trial run I've invited Pooch and Waves along with three others including Wonka, thinking it may be the perfect opportunity to put this whole jealous girlfriend nonsense to bed once and for all.  I'll let you know how I get on.

Anyway, dinner party take one is this Saturday and in true last minute planning Ser3ndipity form, I decided what to make and placed my online shop this morning to arrive tomorrow.  I've not cooked for the majority of the people I've invited before so I decided to play it safe and go with Italian.  Plenty of food, plenty of booze and a few dinner party games will keep us entertained I'm sure.

Everything else...

I know I shouldn't but I really miss Mr X, I feel like despite everything I've lost my best friend.  The one person who has seen all sides of me and yes I know things were mega crap for a long while, but he has never ever judged me and while we are trying to stay in touch its not the same when we can't just nip next door, collapse each others couch for 10mins and talk about what a crappy day/week we have had.  I miss my friend.

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The Weepies - Same Changes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TrM7cZTqLs

Everything and Nothing

If you or I (for those of you who are single) were to make a list of all the things you are looking for in a relationship I'm sure the lists would be somewhat similar and yet why, when someone offers to give you 90% of the things on that list is it somehow all of a sudden not enough?

OOJ has asked me to move in with him, he has said he will live anywhere, in any flat I choose.  I don't need to pay rent, he will give me a credit card and I can just please myself.  If I don't want to work, I don't need to.  If I do want to work he will support me in finding the perfect job.  If I want a holiday, we can go on one etc.  The list goes on to include so many things including popping out sprogs and marriage (if I want it).  It's intense and I'm sure there are girls who would jump at such an offer but I somehow no matter how I look at it can't convince myself that its how I want my life to go.

On paper who wouldn't want to be completely supported to the point that even though I would always work and would never expect a man to financially support me, the expection for me to be nothing other than happy would be well nothing short of awesome.  Its crazy intense to think I have someone offering this up to me on a plate!

I'm completely torn, its like, I'm sure this guy could be good for me and I know that in no way shape or form would he ever cheat, hurt, or lie to me and he is someone who would go out of his way to make sure I was ok and to support me.  I obviously find him attractive as we went on a few dates and sexually (not that we slept together), we seem to be really compatible, but no bloggers, he does not set my world on fire.  

I know the obvious answer is to say, no, 90% of what you are looking for isn't enough, I've said it long enough!  So many of my friends seem to have settled for Joe average and a little bit of them over time seemed to go out inside, that  sparkle that used to make them light up a room, it somehow now seems to have gone.  At the same time, this would be 'settling' on a whole other scale, it would be settling to a lifestyle, not a two bed house and a heafty mortgage.  It would be settling for a guy that does light me up inside, but just doesn't set off fireworks in my stomach. 

You see, I know he isn't the guy I'm meant to be with, but those 1001 voices I've heard over the years of 'you are too fussy', 'you're going to be single forever', 'you live in a dream world where everything is a fairytale' seem to resignate in my mind this time.  Am I too fussy?  I mean, am I looking for something that simply doesn't exist?   

The only person that would tell me to have it all or stay single is Herb, and if I'm honest, I think to a certain extent she has settled in the way that I would do if I decided to give it a go with OOJ.  Barron is one of the most awesome people I know (of course it was me that introduced them) and I think they are perfect for each other, and he is handsome, but no bloggers, his looks did not set her on fire either when they first got together.  It was everything else that wrapped her up in a bubble and made her realise that they could spend the rest of their lives together laughing and smiling and sharing moments.

No, I don't think I can do it.  Dinner for one.

Kick Ass

I've been at a conference the last few days bloggers and so haven't been able to blog, on top of that my laptop charger actually set on fire last week so I've been out of action.

The conference went well, I spoke on a podium in front of more people than I ever have before in my life (hundreds), as part of a debate to oppose a proposition so it was super scary and nothing short of intense.  The bad news is I don't think I came across as well as I should have.  The good news is we won.  I also managed to network well and think a few opportunities may open up for me in the near future as a consequence.

OOJ has been in touch quite a lot since sending the flowers and I think I am going to give him another chance and go on another date so I will keep you informed.

It's my work night out tomorrow, I'm somewhat apprehensive as I don't really have much time for a few of the people I work with although the remaining few are really nice and so I am going to make the effort to go.

I've a cracking headache just now due to a delayed flight and a stressful couple of days but I'll be back tomorrow and we can finish off where things went crazy... assisted suicide.

Ciao x

out of action

My laptop set on fire... yes set on fire yesterday so i'm kinda out of action.  Look back later tonight as I will blog then.  (it could only happen to me)

Crash Bang Whollop

I managed to dislocate my shoulder again! This torn rotary cuff malarkey is anything but fun. This time it was pretty bad and so I couldn't pull my usual  'lethal weapon' stunt and bite my lip as I hit my arm off a wall to get it back in and needed to take a trip to A&E - I waited hours,  I swear, having worked  as a nurse and being fully aware of the goings on in A&E, despite my best efforts to be pro-NHS, the hospital closest to me is seriously lacking as every single experience I have had there has been terrible!

Anyhow bloggers, writing today is a bit difficult and a lot painful so I shall keep it short today, but I shall be back tomorrow when we shall discuss the topic of assisted suicide as that seems to be the buzz at the moment between the soaps and Terry Pratchett's recent announcement that he will be seeking such assistance in the future as he has alzhimer's disease and doesn't want to spend his twilight years in a state of confusion.

Creeps & Nightmares

I had the worst nights sleep, I had a fever, was up and down to get water and use the bathroom 101 times and when I did eventually get to sleep I had nightmares! 

I dreamt that people were trying to force me into getting married and kept telling me I was old now and needed to grow up.  OOJ and his parents (in real life he doesn't have a father) were following me around and I kept running away as soon as he looked like he was going to get down on one knee.  I was on a farm at one point (maybe relevant as I spent a few years of my adolescence on one) and I was surrounded by heavy machinery and couldn't somehow seem to get out of the shed.  (make your own assumptions).

Needless to say I woke up this morning really unsettled.  

I had planned on heading out today and grabbing some nice bits and pieces to cook tonight before coming back to finish the final bits of unpacking and organising but its out as I don't feel well enough to move far from the couch.

So what have I done so far today other than sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself I hear you ask.   Well, I've created two invites on Facebook for people round for a dinner party, one at the end of this month and the second in mid-July.  I've found someone to come with me to watch the Scrimbledon roller derby bout this weekend (if i'm feeling well enough), and I've downloaded some movies so I can mooch and be entertained later.

What else...

I haven't had a proper conversation with Mr X for a while now, he msgs me on and off as I do him, but whenever he is online its like he msgs me and then is distracted so I end up waiting for a reply.  He did a similar thing this morning (he now has the same weekend as me Fri-Sat), I replied to his question, waited a couple of mins and got no response and so msgd to say I was going and for him to call or msg me next time he had time to talk properly as I wasnt' going to stop what I was doing to participate in a disjointed conversation.  He said sorry and ok, I'll let you know how it goes.

What else can I tell you?  Hmmm well, do you remember Pooch & Waves?

Well Pooch asked me to hang out last Sunday, I said it sounded great and didn't think too much about it until I realised Waves wasn't going to be there at which point I sent a quick text saying I was looking forward to it but had he told his gf (Waves) that we were going to be hanging out.  

Long story short he said he hadn't.  I then made my position clear that I wasn't going to hang out with him if it meant that I would have to omit the truth or watch what I was saying around Waves in future and I certainly wasn't going to do anything that could be construed as suspicious.  His response highlighted the fact that she feels uncomfortable if we hang out without her as she thinks he wants to cheat on her with me and so how could he possibly tell her as it would make his life so difficult, and woe is him and he really needed me to be his friend right now etc. 

The conversation ended shortly after when I  told him to strap on a pair of ovaries (A phrase stolen from Six) and tell her we were going to hang out or to forget it and be clear about that fact that I wouldn't be inviting him to do anything without her in tow until such a point that he was going to be honest as I wouldn't want to be lied to if I was in her shoes.  

As it happens bloggers I also tend to agree with Waves and think if Pooch was given the opportunity he would dump Waves in a heartbeat to be with me;  aided by the fact that shortly after my assertive and clearly outlined text I received an email from Amazon stating that I had just been given a £25 voucher from Pooch, I mean WTF!   

No bloggers, treat your fellow girlie's how you yourself would want to be treated.  Personally if I was that uncertain about the intentions of my bf, I would kick him to the curb without a second thought.  Then again, that's me and if there is one thing I've learnt this past year or so, its that a lot of people put up with a lot of shit, just because they don't want to be alone.  I mean look at Six, she is back with her twat of an ex bf despite him making it perfectly clear that he doesn't and can never see himself falling in love with her.  Wonka is another example, she put up with a controlling and cheating boyfriend for three years only to be dumped out of the blue and then to find out two weeks later he had got another girl pregnant.

The real question is why does anyone put up with it?

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The Ataris - Your Boyfriend Sucks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLZUnfPBw5w

Little Drops of Sunshine

I'm keeping it simple today, no more firsts just a few cheeky video links that will brighten your run up to the weekend.  Five adverts that make me smile.

One

The new Europecar advert.  I don't care that this guy is chubby and is a little insane, if I knew him, I'd date him :)

Two

I absolutely fell in love with this advert when I saw it.

Three

A jaunty old lady telling us all how it is.  Good job Aldi.

Four

Old Spice?  New Spice more like... love it!

Five

A cheeky wee viral ad.  Something for the weekend ;)

Follow me on Facebook

It would be great to get the facebook revolution for the blog on a roll so add me if you can.  serendipity.confessions@googlemail.com


See you there :)

Firsts

I thought I would continue my 'Firsts' for a second day and so here you go:

First Love

When I was around seven or eight I developed my first crush. 

He was a boy in my year at school and sat across the room from me in class.  I thought he was beautiful.  Unlike the rest of the boys in the year, his skin was was a deep dark chocolate brown as his parents had moved to the UK from Africa.  He had perfetly white teeth, a smile that lit up his entire face, and to top it off he was without a doubt the best baseball player I had ever seen. 

I loved playing baseball during P.E at school, somewhat because during that time I became one of the special few who were able to use the fully elongated baseball bat rather than the shortened fatter version that made hitting easier. Mostly because the boy I thought was practically perfect in every way would hand my my bat with the most gorgeous smile in the world and cheer me round the field as I attempted a home run.  He was beautiful.

First Flat

My first flat was a dorm at University that I shared with five others, four unknowns and a fifth who I had gone to high-school with an unbeknown to me at the time had requested we be located together.  I lived in a small single room where 90% of the furniture was attached to the wall/floor and shared a small, depressing MDF kitchen/dining/living room area.  I'd always been an independent sole and so while I missed my parents I really enjoyed taking the first steps towards adulthood, the others didn't take the move so well.

Two of the girls became exceptionally homesick and so needed constant attention which began to test my patience after the first few weeks.  The girl from my home town seemed to be on a one woman mission to sleep her way around campus during the first month and the fifth girl was antagonistic and drunk 99% of the time.  It wasn't an ideal scenario, and certainly wasn't what I expected dorm life to be like, yet despite it allwe had some great times those first few weeks.

Shortly after this however,  one of the homesick girls started to act very strange.  She would get up in the morning and eat a bowl full of jelly babies she had soaked in vodka from the night before, spend her evenings singing karaoke in the living room by herself and  to top it off had stopped eating.  I was worried about her as was the rest of the flat and so we decided one of us should talk to her,I was allocated the job.  The rest of what happened is a bit hazy but I will try to make it all make sense.

I spoke with little miss strange that evening and discovered she had a few years previously been admitted to hospital on psychiatric grounds.  Despite being in a fit mental state when she came to University this had rapidly begon to decrease as she had self prescribed a reduction in her medication to allow for an increased intake of alcohol.  After our talk she agreed she would try to sort herself with our support.  Happy in the response the rest of the girls headed out for a night on the town and I hit the hay as I had work the next day.  

A few hours later I found little miss strange marching up and down the hallway singing to steps (yes steps, tragedy if I remember correctyl), covered in layers upon layers of unravelled toilet roll and crying her eyes out.  I went to see if she was ok but before I could speak she grabbed a knife out of the kitchen draw and ran at me with the intention to stab.  I lept into my room, sat against the door grabbed my phone and called the housing officers emergency number and my flatmates.  Little miss strange was collected by her parents the next day. 

The remaining flatmates in the calm of the storm started to bitch and fight amongst themselves daily, making the flat an awful place to stay.

I contacted the housing office and unofficially moved flat to the only other available in the two blocks making me flatmate six in a boys dorm where ironically my new University boyfriend (later to be known to you guys as Clutz) lived.  I guess things maybe do happen for a reason. 

In case you were interested little miss scary returned to University at the next intake and successfully completed her course.

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Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JkIs37a2JE